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300 Words or Less Review: @Ciara - Jackie

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Review after the jump.

On the heels of her latest single, "I Bet," and her publicized breakup with Future--and potential rebound in Russell Wilson (#IWishICared)--Ciara returns to the music scene after with Jackie. The album starts off pretty dramatically, and then delves into what you'd expect from Ciara. We're given bouncy beats, sexual energy out the ass (no pun intended), and so on. The intro track "Jackie (B.M.F)" takes about five different turns, on some Beyonce shit, before it finishes. It's a bit OD in my opinion, only because it seems almost like she's covering up her hurt with feminine "bravada," which is halfway true.


The album is split, as most Ciara albums are, between heartfelt "damn life/love are on some bullshit" tracks, sensual “I’m feeling like getting it, I hope you ready” tracks (both low-energy and high energy ones), and party tracks where Ciara implores you to dance your pain away. She even manages to get a Pitbull feature on "That's How I'm Feelin'" along with a Missy Elliot feature (which should continue to build up buzz for Missy's imminent return). Jackie, as you’ll probably see in other reviews, definitely does play to Ciara’s strengths. However, I would love to hear her be a bit more adventurous in her approaches.


But, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? Eh…kind of. By the end of the album, Jackie feels kind of what you’d get if you mixed I Am…Sasha Fierce, late-90s Janet and some Doctor Luke production. In other words, it probably won’t win any new fans (this is a problem with a lot of albums these days, in my opinion)--but it’s a solid effort. Need some new R&B? Check it out, by all means. Just don’t expect to become a newly-christened mega-fan overnight.




Final Verdict: Stream It

@DKAKAWayneWatts - #BaltimoreUprising

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Nothing to say on this one, just let this shit bump.

A SOTB!!! Q&A with Sexy Sapphire

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At SpeedontheBeat.com, I strive to highlight individuals who are doing the damn thing in ways that aren't as conventional--but still get the job done. Today, I had the honor of setting up an interview with a budding adult performer based in my own backyard of Baltimore. Her name is Sexy Sapphire and don't let the idea of doing adult videos and whatnot throw you. She's got her hands in many different pots. So, without any further ado, let us delve into the world of the woman who is known as "B'more's Jewel" (Ed. Note: As with every interview on SpeedontheBeat.com, I allow my interviewees to speak their mind. I don't censor, regardless on my own opinions on an issue. It's one of the things that I feel makes me and the people I interview different from other interviewers/interviewees).



Speed on the Beat: For those who are unaware, could you give the readers a bit of insight into who you are?

Sapphire: I'm  Sexy Sapphire. In the last 8 years I've been a model, web cam girl, phone sex operator, amateur adult video starlet, writer, promoter and more. I have been able to seamlessly transition to many areas of the online entertainment business.

SOTB!!!: What got you into doing adult films and the like?

SS: I've always been an exhibitionist. I used to play on webcam for free when they became popular and a fan of my photos contacted me one day and told me I could get paid doing what I loved anyway by webcamming. I looked into it and thought it was perfect for me. Eventually I talked My  boyfriend into performing with me.

SOTB!!!: What was it like your first time on camera?

SS: My first time on camera was fun and easy--because I was with My actual boyfriend. We used cameras we set up at home. It was exciting.

SOTB!!!: You've been described as Baltimore's hottest fetish performer. How'd you get into fetish performances, and what are some of the fetishes you prefer?

SS: I've  always been into the "weirdest" things especially BDSM. I love bondage, pain, and feet especially. When I got into the adult entertainment field, I was shocked to learn that these things weren't weird at all.


SOTB!!!: I've seen a good portion of your work. Do you prefer solo cam or being on camera with someone else?

SS: I really enjoyed having a partner. But, I refuse to sleep around and I have no interest in mainstream porn. So, the only guys I've performed with during the five years I made XXX videos were my actual 2 boyfriends. Same guys over and over.

SOTB!!!: You mentioned you do private calls. Do you get a lot of people calling trying to have sex with you, and does it honor you that they're that forthcoming or does it turn you off a bit?

SS: No I get a lot of callers who share their fantasies and  enjoy talking to me. I  also get some that just love to hear me queef personally or moan in their ears. I never have gotten a call from a fan asking to actually sleep with me.

SOTB!!!: What's the craziest gift you've gotten from a fan?

SS: I've gotten many crazy gifts from fans but the weirdest gift was also the sweetest gift. My #1 fan is a homeless man who lives in California. One day, I tweeted I was cold and he told me to look for something in the mail. I was shocked a few days later when a leather jacket arrived in the mail. He is homeless and I know it wasn't an easy gift.

SOTB!!!: Last performance question: do you tend to get more comments like "you should be doing this" from men or from women?

SS: Men for sure. But, if we did all they wanted, we'd be cum covered pretzels (laughs).

SOTB!!!: You also write, I've noticed. How has that been going these days? Any new books on the way?


SS: I'm currently working on two books, one is finished and the other barely started. I plan to put out a book of erotic stories this year and I'm currently working on a memoir about my last eight years as Sexy Sapphire and how it's affected me.

SOTB!!!: How'd the Nyomi Banxxx interview come about?

SS: Actually I've been writing for 86 Blvd, the magazine the interview was in, since its very first issue. To date, my writing has appeared in every single issue. Being in the adult entertainment field, I think the editor chose me to interview Nyomi because he saw my diverse talent as a writer and knew that I would do my best to show the public who she really was.

SOTB!!!: What's harder: performing, an interview, or writing a piece of fiction?

SS: Performing is harder for me for sure. Writing is second nature for me, it's the thing I do most naturally. Speaking is almost the same. I love to talk and  have no problem with interviews but performing? It means I HAVE to please.

That  kind of pressure can be scary.

SOTB!!!: As a fellow Baltimorean, what are your thoughts on the Freddie Gray case? Do you think justice will be served or do you see the charges as a formality to, as some would put it, the inevitable dismissal of these charges?

SS: I was excited to see charges brought up against the officers for the simple fact that  any average Baltimorean would have been arrested if under the same suspicion. I think justice will be served as long as they  get a fair trial. Justice is truth, not necessarily what you want to hear and people have to be prepared for that. I  don't believe 6 people murdered that man. But, if they were average Baltimoreans it would be conspiracy to commit murder you know.

SOTB!!!: When people, in instances like Trayvon Martin and Freddie Gray, bring up "black on black crime" stats or misinterpreted stats about how white people are killed more by police, what do you say to them?

SS: I say that crime has always existed. In neighborhoods where you have a predominately black demographic, of course you will have more black-on-black crime. However, that doesn't  negate the fact that  black men especially are being killed at a large rate for being black. In it unfathomable that a man died in police custody for selling cigarettes.

Where is his due process, his jury trial?

SOTB!!!: Do you think that black on black crime is the issue that needs addressing, or is it more the result of a bigger problem? Like, do you think black people kill black people because they are, as the media would put it, "thugs." Or do you think it's more evidence of the systematic destruction of the black individual through making them feel like they need to be aggressive or something of that line of thought?

SS: Crime needs to be addressed. Black on Black crime is a result of living in a black neighborhood. In more diverse neighborhoods, you have a mixture of type crimes as well as who commits them. I think the more we act like black on  black crime is the big problem, we ignore the real problem. Some people are criminals and some are good people. We  need  tougher penalties for bad people, black, white or purple. We need real opportunities for oppressed people and neighborhoods. Maybe  less thefts [would occur] if people can afford their  own. It's not the crime that's the problem, it's the necessity of the crime. Eliminate the need and lock up those who are bad just to be bad.

SOTB!!!: What are your thoughts on situations like what happened with Mya Hall?

SS: I am sad to hear of any death at the hands of police. However in this instance I had a hard time faulting the police. There are those who say  don't break the law and the police aren't a problem, we all know it isn't always true but in  a case like this one, following the law would have saved their lives. I'm not sure how they got on that road but I've driven past it many times, not only is it clearly marked but they had to knock down a row of cones to go past them. They knew they were wrong. Even worse to hear that the car was stolen and they had robbed a citizen. I can't call foul in a case like this.

SOTB!!!: Switching gears here, to some lighter affair, I also see on your site you host artists' work. How can artists potentially get their work featured on your site?

SS: Yes that's on My new website, it's a talent promotion and resource guide. www.sapphirespotlightontalent.com. I'm looking for artists of all types, written word, painters, musicians, dancers and more. Submit to sapphirespotlightontalent@gmail.com or directly through the website.

SOTB!!!: As we're closing out, what are some of your musical tastes?

SS: Myself, I like r&b, pop and classical music. Also, some hip hop as well.

SOTB!!!: Where can readers check out your clips or thoughts?

SS: Any one of the following links.

www.sapphirethesexyone.com
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCe_NSxP-NWTFCoSQDLyphvg
www.clips4sale.com/19665
www.rude.com/sapphirethesexy1
www.sexysapphire.c4slive.com
www.dailymotion.com/bmoresjewel

SOTB!!!: Do you have any last thoughts, words of wisdom, shoutouts, etc.?

SS: My mom told me I'd never be anything, My peers told me I was too short, too skinny, too ugly, but everything anyone denies me? I go get it and flaunt it. Never let anyone steal your dreams. Anything is possible, I know. I'm proof


300 Words or Less Review: @EarlxSweat - I Don't Like Shit, I Don't Go Outside: An Album by Earl Sweatshirt

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My apologies for being late on this review. The week that IDLS dropped, my mom died. So, yeah, priorities. The album plays, in some ways, as the polar opposite of Tyler the Creator's Cherry Bomb, potentially fitting considering several factors that I won't get into here. This project is short, clocking in at under 30 minutes. But, what it lacks in length, it makes up in conciseness. With this project, listeners are given a glimpse into the mind of a young 20-something who's tasted fame, success, all the "good shit." However, at the end of the day, it's (potentially) because of that fame and success that said 20-something can't enjoy the fruits of his labor.

That's a deep concept.

But, as deep as it is, the album itself isn't exactly one that'll have you singing along with it. And truthfully, that's something you've got to respect. He focuses on the story and the music without getting swept up in "making the hits." He's not trying to make you smile. Truthfully, it seems like Earl Sweatshirt could give two blue fucks about what you, me, or any of us think, as long as he delivers what's on his mind and in his heart. Instrumentation goes from jazzy to "Drake-like" to abstract in a matter of seconds. In some ways, sonically and otherwise, the album's also the antithesis of Kendrick's TPAB, while still supplying similar feelings and messages.

I guess Earl's in bloom now. I'm curious, though: will he achieve his nirvana or succumb to his endeavors? It's that curiosity that'll drive people to continuously check out Earl's music.

Final Verdict: Stream and buy (yes, I know it's 30 minutes for nine or ten bucks; it's worth it, though, if you stream it and give it a shot). 

300 Words of Less Review: @RavenFelix - "ME"

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SpeedontheBeat.com mainstay Raven Felix returns with a new cut (h/t FADER), "ME." Part-love oneself anthem, part early-summer turn up jam, "ME" gets most of its energy from the bouncy, synth-heavy production and Raven's carefree, Auto-Tuned flow. She gives no fucks about a hater, nor about how lines like "kiss it like I was your idol/kiss it like I was your Bible" may both go over heads and smack her audience in the face. And, truthfully, that's the type of youthful energy that's needed in hip-hop. I've heard people around the internet that Raven may eventually end up in XXL in the next couple years. If she can keep her buzz up, keep improving as an artist, and not fall off, I could see it. Plus, Raven's overall message (not giving a fuck about "them," but worrying about living your life and doing you) is one I've respected since I came across the then-seventeen-year-old Snoop protege about two years ago

Verdict: Keep your eyes on Raven (and not just for the sexiness).

Thoughts on the State of WWE

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Now, usually, I leave my wrestling thoughts to my Eyes on the Ring posts. However, because I'm lazy and I'm already logged in over here, I might as well drop some knowledge. Or, at least some knowledge-based opinion.

The WWE is, obviously, at a crossroads.

Older talent (John Cena, Randy Orton, etc.) are, well, getting older. Newer talent (Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler, etc.) are either getting injured and having their careers questioned, leaving to fight in UFC, or being underutilized and constantly put with female mouthpieces to make them into a Dirk Diggler meets Val Venus ripoff--despite the fact that they're mainstream over. But, I digress. With this pseudo-influx of uncertainty, one has to wonder where does that leave the WWE?

With talents such as Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, and the NXT crew (especially Kevin Owens), the WWE is, actually, in a better spot than they were when the Batistas and Edges and HBKs started to leave in the beginning of this decade. During that time, you pretty much had Cena and Orton left as the top guys. And, let me tell you. Seeing Cena and Orton face off week in, week out, until one of them went to face Big Show/Mark Henry/random heel-or-face-of-the-month here? It was exhausting and turned me off from wrestling just when I was getting back into it. With this newer crop of talent, it seems that you can all but plug them in (Roman Reigns included, even though he still isn't the best in-ring, promo-wise, etc.), tell them "go forth and curbst--I mean, beat the crap out of your opponents and get over," and they will (for the most part).

A testament of faith WWE has with this "New New Generation" is
the fact that Owens is facing Cena for the US Title at Elimination
Chamber
 without having a single main roster match prior to.

However, that's not to say that the New New Generation (no Lauren London) is without its flaws. For starters, NXT, as awesome as it is, is run akin to an ROH or PWG. With that in mind, some gimmicks that get over with the indie-esque crowds of NXT, they fall flat on the main roster (see Adam Rose, Emma, and The Ascension, and others for examples). Neville and Sami Zayn have been two exceptions, but that's because they already come with fanbases. But, the Roses et al, they don't. And that tends to hurt those types because because the main roster's fans are more casual than NXT. They've been conditioned to be more accepting of the old tropes of "bland babyface promos" and "chickenshit heels." So, when you have an Adam Rose come up looking like a mix between the 1980s party scene and Aldous Snow, people will (perhaps rightfully so) shit on the gimmick. Why? Because they're not given the opportunity to understand "outside the box" on a regular basis.

With Triple H and company behind the current crop, I believe that we will start seeing more Finn Balors and Kevin Owenses and Seth Rollinses. We will start seeing more homegrown talent mixed in with international superstars. We will see matches like Cena versus Owens with no real warning (one thing that's come from Cena's Open Challenge is that main roster fans get to see the NXT guys). We will see a former NXT champion win The Big W. So, as fans, we have to do one thing.

If you're not already on board, adapt or (the WWE could potentially at some point down the line) perish.

300 Words or Less Review: HS (of @TeamDAR) - Upper Echelon

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Upper Echelon was an album, according to Team DAR creator (and HS member) True God, that was fifteen years in the making. HS, comprised of the aforementioned True and fellow DAR compatriot Shokus Apollo, takes concepts of religion, love, society and more and turns them on their heads thrice before clean kicking them off (just as DAR does). But, is the album as GOAT as my biased opinion would suggest? I'm here to give my unbiased opinion in this 300 Words or Less Review

It starts off utilizing a sample of dialogue from the Dungeon Family describing their style. This is especially fitting since DAR positions itself as a new-era Dungeon Family. From that sample onward, listeners are given that classic "Circa '94" feel, while still having modern sensibilities appeased to. There is no greater example of this than the HS/DAR posse cut “End of the Road.”


“Road” utilizes a Dilla-esque chop of a Marvin Gaye sample aided by modern boombap drums. On this track, all four members of Team DAR flow effortlessly to stake their claim to the oft-clichéd Hip-Hop Throne. Featuring possibly some of the most random Street Fighter-tinged lyrics from yours’ truly, “Road” also highlights the beauty of Upper Echelon.


It started as an album which came from nothing. So, there weren’t any lofty goals set; True and Apollo just sat down and started flowing. And it was gloriously free. When they were done, they’d actually recorded close to 30-40 tracks. One of these days, some of those may release. But, until then, just enjoy your journey to the Upper Echelon.


Sorry, I had to.



Final Verdict: Buy (not just because it's #DARBusiness, but because it's actually a good album)

300 Words or Less Review: @KehlaniMusic - You Should Be Here

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So, over the past almost twenty years, we've been on the search for the Next Lauryn Hill. From SZA to Jhene Aiko to Ashanti to Tink, fans have been quick to anoint someone to this throne. Why? Lauryn is the GOAT and who doesn't want their favorite artist to become that revered? 


Enter Kehlani, the latest to have the crown thrust upon her, and You Should Be Here. The album starts off with a dedication to those who were lost away and how she wishes they should be there to see her--and share in her--success(es). The first two songs, the title track and "How That Taste" feature typical twenty-something bragging. So far, there’s nothing nothing special.


Then “Jealous” hits. "Jealous" is Weeknd-esque and “real.” It calls out dudes who take pictures to make other chicks jealous. It's a simple theme, but a real and raw one. “Niggas” is a song that is full of post-Drake self-awareness. “Wanted” is a track that liberally borrows from early-2000s Missy and Ciara tracks and adds in some Ghost Town DJs for good measure. From that song on, we get the overarching theme of the album: reinventing/reusing musical themes Kehlani probably grew up on and presenting them for an 18-30 demographic in 2015. This is in addition to Kehlani adding in a heap of rawness with every word sung.


As ambitious as this album is, I think it’s horribly unfair for people to compare Kehlani to Lauryn. They are two different artists. Kehlani is more of an Adina meets Aaliyah meets Missy combo with a bit more Auto-Tune added in. And Lauryn? She’s Lauryn Hill. But, You Should Be Here is one of the better R&B albums of the past year or two because of its rawness and self-awareness.


Final Verdict: Buy



Some Thoughts on Life is Strange

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As many of you know, I'm a gamer. I don't mean that in the dudebro, sarcastic, ironic sense of "yeah, I play Halo just to teabag people in some sort of fulfillment of my deep-rooted homoerotic desires." I mean that in the sense that I enjoy video games and play them on a regular basis. Over the past couple months, I found myself deeply into an episodic "choose-your-own-adventure" visual novel-type game called Life is Strange. Yeah, the one about the girl with the "rewind power."

I'll be honest, I've never felt as strongly about a game as I have with Strange. As flawed as the characters (and/or their development/overuse of words such as "hella," just to sound forcibly realistic) may be, I've become mesmerized with the lives of Max and her cohorts.



Maybe it has something to do, like other players, with the fact that its release coincided with several events where I really could've used some chaos theory-manipulating powers. The first episode was released about a month before my son's mother and I separated, while episode two released four days before my mom passed. Episode three, released this past Tuesday, was released during a different milestone.

It was the first time I actually grieved for my mother.

Now, let it be known. I cried tears, I cursed the heavens, I went through the denial-to-acceptance stages. But, recently, I've actually had it hit me that my mother wasn't coming back. I used to wish for a power similar to Max's. When I was a kid, and there were fights between my mom and dad, I'd wish I could go back and, for instance, stop him before he swung at her. Inversely, there were times I wished I could go back and stop my mom from damn near bludgeoning him with his own cane out of fear for her safety/to show who really ran shit around the Speed household, since he wasn't around as much (but it was still legally his house). Sufficed to say, growing up, there was some stuff that I wanted to have a do-over on.

But, I've come to learn that all the things that happen in life, they do happen for a reason. And, as much as we may miss someone or something, we must live with our pasts...but not in them. My mother's dead. She is gone. But, she is not forgotten. However, I can't change the past. If I did, who knows what insanity may've befallen me? I could've ended up dead or in jail. So, as much as I miss her, I know that her bringing me into this world and her exit from it were for reasons, even if I don't fully understand them yet.

But, back to Life is Strange, since I doubt some of you out there want to hear another "Mama Young is Gone" story.


This series showcases the butterfly effect in a way that other mediums have failed at. For instance, the film The Butterfly Effect (and its worse sequels). It was effective at explaining the phenomenon, but I found myself not really feeling for the characters as much as I should have. With Strange, I find myself questioning every action I make and anticipating its implication (even if said implication is pretty horrible). The cast of characters, while mostly white and written by potentially mostly 25-to-40-something white men, are still diverse. And even though there's an overuse of the word "hella," the characters feel real. So, all in all, go check out the series if you're in the mood for some feels (or at least another entry into the "video games can be art, too" argument).

Raven Felix feat. Adrian Marcel - "Gifted"

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It's becoming a weekly tradition, it seems, for Raven to drop new music. But, she continues at this rate and she'll HAVE to drop weekly to keep up with the insane demand for her stuff. So, peep the track and have yourselves a great weekend.

"Foreign Substances": Some Thoughts on the 2015 MLB Season

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Now, we all know that I'm a baseball fan. But, this season has been brutal, and not even from just the standpoint as an Orioles fan. From pitchers being suspended for having "foreign substances" on their arms during games, to the AL East having one of the worst cumulative records thus far, to the "speed boost" of having games restart after commercial breaks (thus making baseball a quicker game, which is good...but a quicker game because of advertisers, which is...eh), to the Empty Park Game, to Bryce Harper probably being on the cusp of receiving "ADD-ER-ALL" and "STEROIDS" chants from opposing crowds (because no one, in 2015 MLB, can actually just be naturally jacked and/or uber-tuned in to the game, apparently), this season has been unique to say the least.

As an aside, I'd be legitimately sad, a la Chris Davis'"lapse,"
should Harper be on his doping game. And I'm not even
a Nats fan.

But, it's been unique in a way that puts a couple shiners on the image MLB was trying to rehab since the Steroid Era. For starters, the Empty Park Game should not have happened. Hell, John Angelos was more vocal about the Baltimore protests and what they represented, from his perspective, than Rob Manfred ever was. At least Adam Silver, in his first season, dealt with his first controversy in a manner that set a precedent. Manfred's precedent seems to be this: baseball above all, even if we're going to have the teams play in an empty park while protests go on not even a mile away because fuck that shit.

But, on the same token, the foreign substances thing has always rubbed me the wrong way. I mean, shoot, back in the day, (almost) everyone had some sort of tobacco/grease/spit/pine tar in their arsenal. And, guess what? It made games more exciting, to me at least. You had characters. Now? Everyone has to be a Model Citizen and Role Model of the Year. That's fine, because advertisers aren't going to shell out big bucks to the John Rockers of the world. However, baseball doesn't seem to be "fun" these past couple seasons. Don't get me wrong: going to the games is Nirvana personified, but the game itself doesn't seem as "fun." Perhaps that's just part of the rebranding of baseball. There's an air of "We're going to still present the game, but we'll do so in a family-friendly way (kind of like WWE), so we don't offend anyone or offer alternative methods to solve problems."

Of course, that's not to say that "cheating" is right. But, "cheating," in some ways, has always been a part of the game. You take away that aspect and you neuter the game to the point where you might as well be playing teeball. Essentially, what I'm getting at is this: let some of that foolishness slide and worry about bigger issues in the game, such as the Empty Park Game and why it was a bad idea. Those are the issues that'll keep a negative light on some aspects of the MLB.




On Eric Davis

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Growing up, I had a fascination with a particular Orioles outfielder who would constantly raise the roof. This man had seen it all. Kidney lacerations, cancer diagnoses, recoveries--you name it, he'd probably dealt with it. By this point, Eric Davis was a punchline to some, mainly because of his constant "bad luck." To others, he was that guy you'd bring up in bar trivia and no place else. "Who was third in steals behind Vince Coleman and Rickey Henderson during the 1986 MLB season?" or "who was, aside from Rickey Henderson (you're seeing a pattern here), the only player to hit 25 home runs and steal 80 bases?"

To me, he was a hero. He was the guy I paid money to go see at Orioles games. He's the guy who I modeled my own baseball game after, even adopting "24" as my number whenever I played sports. He was, even though he only played two years in Baltimore (many will remember him forever as Eric the Red), the epitome of what it meant to be an Oriole, what it meant to be a Baltimorean. Yes, it was partly because of the cancer thing. I mean, you try to recuperate and then supersede expectations after going through colon cancer treatment. Baseball player or not, cancer's a mean-spirited SOB who deserves to be drug out into the street and shot at point-blank range. So, for Eric Davis to battle back in 1997 and then have a career year in 1998, it inspired me to say "I, too, can achieve greatness." But, there's another reason why Davis is one of my favorite players.

It's what he represents.


As I mentioned, he was the epitome of the Baltimore spirit. He wasn't the greatest of all-time, but he played his butt off and had the potential to be one of the all-time greats. When he had the ability to use that potential, few could touch him, in my opinion. I mean, this is a guy who, at 36, managed to obtain the Orioles record for hitting streaks. That's something that even Cal can't say he's done. But, biases aside, he was a great player. He made it into the Reds' Hall of Fame in 2005 and should have a plaque of some sort at OPACY, if only for the "I kicked cancer in the face and helped uplift a city" aspect of it all.

But Davis' awesomeness lives on in Baltimore. Just look to center field to see a young man who's got all the skills of Davis, minus the 80-steal-caliber speed. I'm, of course, referring to Adam Jones. Now, if only we can get Adam to raise the roof every once in a while...

Too Many Cooks: The Crowded Clusterfuck of 2016

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Ok, let's all take a deep breath and think about what's about to begin, full-force, in about seven months. Everyone and their mother is vying for the Presidency. That's a given. I mean, it's the friggin' Presidency. If Scandal has taught us anything, it's that people will do anything for that power. Including blowing commercial planes out the sky with the help of terrorist-like organizations who are actually some sort of SIS/MI6 spy team who are powertripping their balls off. Oh, and Kerry Washington will always crawl back to the guy who did such sky blowing because THE CONCEPT OF LUV...or something. Also, something about Quinn being weirdly hot, but I digress. But, there's something different about this go-around.

This election season, we might need Eli Pope to work some of his death-bringing magic. Why? Well, so far, we probably have at least 45 potential candidates. At least. Damn, is Obama hated that much that everyone wants to get in on the fun? Or is this just some dog-and-donkey-sex show meant to distract us from the "real issues." Or, better yet, is it just a way for "The Powers That Be" to piss off "intellectual" and "Black" Twitter: trotting out candidates who, in their hearts, accept they have no chance of winning but want to try it out because reasons (looking at you, Ben Carson, Waka Flocka Flame, and Martin O'Malley). Who knows? I don't, I was an English major.

But, I do know this. When you have too many cooks and not enough servers and managers, you're pretty much setting up for a cannibalistic approach to your dinner. So, line up, grab a plate, and let's watch the clusterfuck unfold. For all we know, Obama could've made himself God King of Zamunda and overtaken the US while we were sleeping.

...and sarcasm doesn't translate as well in an op-ed as in real life.

Why Fallout 3 Is One of the GOATs

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On the heels of the initial Fallout 4 trailer, I began to think about 2008's Fallout 3. Upon further review, I feel the game is one of the greatest of all time. Now, I won't go into details about the story, as it's been seven years and you've probably already played through it (if you're smart, that is). Like my review of Life is Strange, this will focus more on why the game impacted me.


When Fallout 3 released, it'd been a few months since my father died. I'd been in a funk because of it and trying my best to not showcase it. As these sorts of things go for me, I failed. And horribly so. So, I decided, one random day during my junior year, to go to Gamestop and pick up Fallout 3. I had $60 and figured between spending that $60 on a new game and spending it on booze/party favors (not those party favors), I'd rather eat it on the game. I hadn't heard much of Fallout other than "this series is amazeballs, so you NEED to play it."


"I don't want to set the world on fire...," The Ink Spots' crooned as I saw Washington DC in shambles, with this neo-50s/nu-nostalgia feel to everything. It was eerily beautiful. Disturbing, but beautiful. This disturbed beauty drew me into the game, and the game's final act featured some of the most difficult choices I'd faced in video games to that point. Yeah, I watched Aerith die. But, Aerith's death, for me, has nothing on the final decision in Fallout 3. War never changes, but neither do life's difficult decisions.

As noted in several posts on SpeedontheBeat.com, my relationship with my father was strained. And, after his death, I was faced with several difficult decisions--with little or no real training on how to handle them. Thus is life, a 70-to-100-year journey where you're learning on the fly and will have to live with the consequences of your actions. Do you die a hero or do you live afraid of making tough choices? Do you destroy bonds that once held you together or do you strengthen them, potentially at the cost of everyone involved? Add that sort of weight to a pretty kickass, do anything storyline which features engaging characters who feel real? You've got a GOAT game.

300 Words or Less Review: Is Final Fantasy 7 Overrated?

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Yep, we're going here.

1997's Final Fantasy VII is a record-breaker that people still want remade almost twenty years later. But, is it really a classic? I'm going to err on the site of overrated, but not in some ("hipster") type of way.


For starters, yes, it was the first Final Fantasy on PlayStation. However, it wasn't the best FF on the system. That honor, from graphics to storyline, would have to go to Final Fantasy IX. Get past Zidane's monkey-boy design and you've got a game which blows Cloud and company away. Look it up.


Second, the graphics. Square’s "Lego men here, beautiful renders (for 1997) there" choice was poor. I guess the teams working on the game got pissed off and designed whatever-the-fuck they felt like to represent the characters. Granted, it’s not Wild Arms-levels of “ugly” (and I’m a WA fan), but it gets pretty bad.


Seriously...Wild Arms 1 was horrible to look at even in 1997.

Third, the writing’s kinda bad. You want to play a Final Fantasy VII game which gets writing, well, right? Play Crisis Core. But, there’s almost no way someone can sit here and say, in 2015 or 1997, that FF7’s story was“groundbreaking,” translation errors and/or Aerith death scene or not. In fact, it takes many tropes and stereotypes and does nothing new with them. These include:
  • A rag-tag team of misfits saving the world. 
  • Barrett (comical black sidekick who’s kind of worthless).
  • Amnesia.
  • Big-breasted women (Tifa).
  • The Don Corneo mission, where a crossdressed Cloud may or may not have been sexually assaulted. 
  • Sephiroth (Silver Haired Big Bad with Infinite Power and Mommy Issues) 
  • Clones! (Cloud and Sephiroth)
  • Wise Natives (Red XIII’s Tribe)
  • And more!
I feel we look at FF7 with nostalgia-tinged glasses and make it a GOAT when truthfully? It's a great game, but breaks no new ground--other than in its presentation.




Not-So Social Media, Take Three: DRNK TXT Rmeo

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(Disclaimer: Alcohol abuse isn't a funny thing. That's not what we're talking about here. If you're using alcohol to cope/"escape", take it from me. Get help, because the same shit you're trying to run away from will still be there when you sober up. However, I'm still under the impression that, if you can handle alcohol, and you want to go get a drink and maybe make a slightly impaired decision? As long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone, fuck it. You only live once. Just don't die trying to live. Figure I'd put that out there in case my therapists and whatnot lurk on my websites)



My name is Speed and, for many intents and purposes, I have had a drinking problem. It's not exactly that I drink too much. It's more that I, like Keef, Bon Iver, and Yeezy, can't handle my liquor at times. And when that happens, more often than not, these [women] can't handle me. The main thing that I've been known to do, aside from drunk freestyle and sometimes want to scrap with people who clown my mom in a bar, when my liquor gets the best of me, is engage in the drunk text.

Now, I'm a pretty smooth guy, when I want to be, when it comes to the opposite sex. I don't spit game, I speak truth. Women love truth. Guys do, too, even when you're referring to an orgasm (more on that at a later date). Now, add in to that truthiness an insatiable urge to engage in coital exercises and you've got, well, a DRNK TXT Rmeo.

A "Drunk Text Romeo," derived from the Gym Class Heroes song of the same name, is an already flirty guy (or girl) who, when sauced, has that ramped up to eleven and ends up trying to talk the pants off someone in the hopes of getting some ass. It's a normal thing. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, and if you're already a hornball, lowered inhibitions are just going to make you want to smash something that much more. Sometimes, it's because we hate sleeping alone and we actually really like the person. Other times, we're just horny, hate sleeping alone, and sex feels good. Other times still, there are some deeper psychological issues which I'm not trained to discuss. Whatever the case may be, the end result with a DTR is usually sexually charged. And yes, fuck what you think: cuddling is still sexually charged, even if it's more intimate than sexual.

But, can being a DTR be a bad thing?

Fuck, yeah!

I think that I've laid that out there far too many times for you to not know that. However, if you're single/have an agreement and you can deal with potentially Tindering someone you may regret sleeping with, for whatever reason, go for it. As long as you don't hurt anyone, a couple drunk texts won't hurt you, since you can usually say "my bad. I take responsibility for what I said. I was drunk, but I take responsibility."

Just don't say "ILY" to that one girl you had a crush on in high school who you didn't end up with because you two were on two different wavelengths and you kind of became infatuated with her even though you two strictly said your relationship would be platonic. Because that, my friends, isn't being a DTR. That's being "stuck on her." And that, truly, is the worst thing to do (+1 if you can name the old Speed on the Beat song I'm referring to).

Has The Weeknd Gone "Pop?"

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Now, that's what you call clickbait.


In the past couple weeks, we've gotten two new Weeknd tracks. One, "The Hills," is dark, haunting, atmospheric, drug-addled "fuck deez hoes" amazement. The accompanying video is a clusterbomb of imagery, fueled (no pun intended) by a car catching on fire and Weeknd walking away, all Sephiroth-into-the-fire style, but in reverse. In other words, what we'd expect from The Weeknd.


The other, "Can't Feel My Face," is a drug ballad (maybe). "Face" takes some cues from Jason DeRulo and Bruno Mars (I feel a lot of "Treasure" in this track) and delivers them in a way only The Weeknd can. He pulls out the "Weeknd whine" and explains why he can't feel his face, a quote often attributed to a scene from the vastly underrated (but somehow incredibly overrated) film Blow, equating love with drugs and drugs to love. In other words, it's what we've come to expect from The Weeknd.


"Wait...what," you're probably asking, especially if you're unfamiliar with The Weeknd's backstory. "This isn't 'Wicked Games' Weeknd, so it's trash. He went 'pop.'"

Before he left his girl back home since he didn't love her no mo', he recorded songs such as "Do It" and "Rescue Me." Most of these, including some Kin Kane bars, are included on the unsanctioned release Before the Balloons. These Top 40-tinged songs were essentially Weeknd songs with happier production, sort of like "Can't Feel My Face." There were less Illangelo vibes, but the "feel" was still there. There was plenty of drug talk, plenty of deeper emotional trauma, and plenty of sad-even-when-I'm-happy feelings.

Essentially, what I'm getting at is this: the man hasn't gone pop. He hasn't completely switched his style up completely to appeal to a wider audience (hell, even "Earned It" is your standard Weeknd-type song, feel-wise, just a bit more sober). Yeah, he's evolved and grown as an artist. No good artist sits around for years on end and puts out the same shit. However, to say the man has gone "pop" because he's now popular is like saying Kendrick Lamar is bubblegum rap because of his "Bad Blood" verse--no matter how headshakingly awkward it was to hear Kendrick duet with Taylor Swift. It's asinine and comes off as hipster contrarian bullshit.

This sort of thing always happens with an array of underground acts who transition to success. For instance, when Drake started doing songs about being Drizzy and not as much about The Climb, there were those who asked "has Drake lost it?" And, while I'm admittedly not the biggest fan of IYRTITL, NWTS and so on (loved Take Care by the way), I look at those types with a side eye, mainly because he's still on the same type of shit. You can't rap about being on the come-up when you're already there.

I'll close this out before I start rambling. Just because your favorite artist is making music that's getting mainstream play, it doesn't mean the artist sold out. So, be happy that they're getting their burn, that you supported them when they were playing pissy little clubs in Middle-of-Bumfuck, Nowhere, and enjoy the ride. Just don't get too faded.

Is GTA 3 Overrated?

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As part of my look at video games of years past (yesterday, I spoke on San Andreas for DefineARevolution.com), I figured that, today, I'd look at the game which changed the GTA series from violent top-down shooter to a worldwide phenomenon. GTA III is one of the grandfathers of what we know as the open-world game. It's not the grandfather, because the system was in place for other games, such as Shenmue (an incredibly underrated game) and even, to an extent, Super Mario 64. However, what GTA III did was take the concept, ramp it up to about fifteen, add some masochistic mayhem in, and let it loose upon the world.

Released in 2001, the game was the first time many players stepped into a world where there were no real rules to how you went about completing the missions. Except, of course, when it came to missions that opened up the rest of the city. I'll admit: it's a cheap trick (even San Andreas uses it). But, it gives you a reason to play the game other than just blow everything up to unholy heaven. But, with all that in mind, can one consider Grand Theft Auto III to be an "overrated" game?

Condensed Argument for Yes:

While GTA III doesn't feature memorable characters or, truthfully, a memorable story, it was a game that allowed its players to do what they wanted, when they wanted. However, there was a limit to this. Claude (Speed?) couldn't swim, which made this open world more like the equivalent of playing Sonic underwater without an air bubble. Additionally, Claude, possibly because of the fact that people were still playing around with the PS2's hardware at the time (remember: III released only a year or so after the PS2), couldn't exactly enter buildings. Thirdly, while you could, in theory, do what you wanted, to do so took a lot of work.

Try sniping in GTA III. I don't mean pulling out a sniper rifle and shooting peoples' heads off. I mean, finding a perch, posting up, and then pulling out a sniper rifle and shooting peoples' heads off. Then, try sniping in practically every other GTA since. It's clunky and, oddly enough, worse than the early GTA sniper modes.


Graphically, Liberty City is ugly. I don't mean ugly as in a "film noir" sense. I mean that it's so drab and actually ugly. The filters employed on the game make everything run incredibly slowly. Not only that, they give the city a washed out feel that almost makes you want to toss the game aside. Now, graphics aren't everything. But, if I can't stand to look at a game, I'm probably going to not want to play it over and over.

Finally, the game just isn't as fun as its successors. Playing through it felt like a chore. Characters were practically interchangeable with one another, aside from a different accent. Nothing felt...real or original. And in an open world game, originality and a realistic representation of life (even in an unrealistic game world) are paramount to a great game.

GTA III is a game which changed open world games forever. But, it's a game that's incredibly overrated and doesn't stand the test of time. Why? It was a clunky, ugly game which wasn't that open and, at the end of the whole shebang, wasn't that fun.

Condensed Argument for No:

When GTA III came about, game companies and gamers weren't taking many risks on consoles. It was practically "buy Madden in the summer, Final Fantasy in the winter, random Sony game in the spring, repeat" (or y'know, something similar for Sega and Nintendo). GTA III changed that. It gave gamers a look into the more "mature" games of PC, the games with film-esque stories that allowed for free reign. See, you had film-esque games such as Metal Gear Solid. But, they were restrictive in many ways.

The game isn't perfect, not by a mile. It probably should've been out on the original Xbox first, only because the Xbox was a superior system compared to the PS2 (Put your Console Wars bull aside, it's technically true. How many people did you see playing games online for PS2? Exactly). However, what it lacked in perfection (or even polish), it made up in heart. The characters, while stereotypes of gangs and movie characters, had their moments of humor. Plus, Catalina, in her limited screen time, stole the show (why else would she randomly appear in San Andreas),

The ugliness of the city is done so because, well, crime and death is an ugly thing. One could argue that the settings of Vice City and San Andreas are almost reveling in their violence. III almost makes you, through the grit of the city, contemplate "hey, should I really be doing this? Why can't I just say 'screw trying to kill everyone. I'm gonna go to Vice City and sit out on the beach?'" One can even begin to feel sorry for Claude and his build, since this silent killer is being pulled in so many directions, by so many people, therefore making the ugly city a necessary plot device.

All in all, GTA III is the reason why we have San Andreas or Saint's Row or (shudder) True Crime. Because of that, flaws and all, it deserves every ounce of praise gamers heap upon it. Plus, the cover! Without that cover, we wouldn't have the iconic covers and/or fonts of the GTA series.

Conclusion:

I have presented two arguments for the game. I do think the game is a bit overrated. However, as displayed above, I can see why people would say it's not (or even that it's underrated). Now, it's your turn. Feel free to tell me what you think via Twitter at @SpeedontheBeat. So, until next time.

Why Nicki Minaj is Actually Good for Music

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This post is filed under "fuck your feelings" (Seriously, look at the "labels"). So, enjoy the show.


A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...a young woman asked Scotty to beam her up. While I'm mixing up my star-related jokes, the mixtape was solid and drew many eyes in onto this young woman. She combined the brashness and cockiness of a Lil' Kim with the realness, at times, of a Lauryn Hill. On top of this, she had a bit of a Trinidadian pop tinge to her and had the equivalent of hip-hop DID poured onto of a sometimes-y Auto-Tuned singing extravaganza! This woman, of course, was (and is) Nicki Minaj.


As with The Weeknd, as Nicki started to blow up, people started to question if she went pop. In some ways, she kind of flatout did. I mean, "Starships," while a feel-good song, is almost as bubblegum as you can get. However, she still remained an artist that people had to watch out for. When she spat, she spat. When she dropped fire, you'd best run for cover.

And then, somewhere along the line, it became less about music and more about thirst traps. At least, that what I think they were (sorta, because it was more a "hey, I'm hot" thing versus a "hey, I'm hot. I need your attention!!!" sort of thing). There was the Halloween costume. Then the shower selfies. Then, we got "Anaconda."

Plus, it gives me a reason to post this.

People started to say "oh, hey. This woman's even more sexually explicit than we thought. Shield your eyes and cover your ears." Some fans revolted, calling the song "trash." Non-fans and fans alike began to fap furiously over the GIFs from the video and/or make viral spoofs of it and its cover art (hi Miley). It was, to say the least, controversial. When The Pinkprint dropped, we got an album that was a combination of "Sexy Nicki" and "I'm sitting on a stoop outside in Brooklyn Nicki." While it wasn't her best collection, it was still somehow her most cohesive project.

Which brings me to my point: Nicki Minaj is good for hip-hop and music as a whole.

Yep, I said it.

Because of Nicki, there is a focus on female artists to try and find "the next Nicki." Out of that wave, we've gotten artists such as Rapsody, DeJ Loaf, Azalea Banks, and Tink. These artists only share biological similarities, but their prominence has been aided by the Nicki Factor. Either people want a counter-Nicki or they want someone who's kind of like Nicki without being full-on Nicki. Female artists aren't all seen as menacing women who could probably kick every dude in their crew's ass (not that those female rappers are bad. It's just Minaj helped re-break the stereotype brought on by jokes at the expense of legends such as Rah Digga, Lady of Rage and more). Because of Minaj's influence, OG female artists such as Missy, Eve, and Lauryn can get their kickbacks and reemerge from the shadows with people clamoring to anything new they put out. People are once again more accepting of a female artist waxing their male counterparts on a song.

Now, before you think I'm throwing "shade," let's keep in mind that:

  • Lauryn barely did songs with other people... 
  • Missy usually collaborated with Timbo and appeared on songs from artists such as Tweet and...
  • Eve has been more successful as an actress recently than an artist, so she's kind of on her LL Cool J tip...kind of. 

Therefore, Lauryn, Eve, and Missy, while amazing and trailblazing artists in their own right (one could say without them, there'd be no Nicki and be 100% correct), are in different lanes from Nicki. 

So, in closing, I reiterate: Nicki Minaj is good for music and hip-hop. Yes, Nicki Minaj is comfortable with being sexual and, sometimes, she's pretty in-your-face about it. I'm no woman, so I can only speak from a heterosexual male who identifies as male perspective, but I see nothing wrong with embracing one's sexual nature and sexuality. We need more people in "The Game" who are open about what they do. And, as mentioned, because of Nicki, people are paying more attention to the Ladies of Hip-Hop. And said ladies are bringing it, which means more music for everyone. Like a good twerker twerking to a good twerk song, when is that a bad thing?

Ex-fucking-actly.


Be sure to check out some of the other artists I mentioned in this post. You won't be disappointed (especially Rapsody).

On Wild Arms 2

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One of the first games I finished all the way through was an RPG which wasn't the most popular or even the most well-made. But, for many reasons, it always stuck with me. The underrated but still criticism-warranting (mainly because of its dated graphics and "meh" story angles at times) Wild Arms 2 has always been a game I've come back to time and time again. Over the fifteen years since its release, I've probably played through it at least once a year. As I've always been a sucker for horns and congos, the OP drew me into the story, which revolved around an anti-terrorist unit and a terrorist organization hellbent on resurrecting countless demons.


As the story progresses, the main character of the game, Ashley Winchester, develops dark, demon-like powers, which manifest themselves as "KnightBlazer." I can't really explain much more about KnightBlazer without giving away the true plot. However, I will say this much: nothing is what it seems within the Filgaia-restrained confines of Wild Arms 2. Even the battle between good and evil is presented in a way that somewhat warps the conventions of what it means to be a hero. I mean, for all intents and purposes, our main character is part-demon and some of the "heroes" early on in the game turn out to be even more evil than any terrorist organization could ever be.


Part of the reason WA2 holds such a chunk of my gamer heart is because, like Digimon, it was the cooler series. It wasn't as overly convoluted as Xenogears, it wasn't completely flawlessly executed like Final Fantasy. It felts more like a labor a love with the game versus some bigger titles. Additionally, the steampunk-meets-Western storylines of the series, specifiaclly WA2, they drug me into the series where I stay today. Now, is Wild Arms 2 without its flaws? 

Hell, no. 

Some of the characters become one-dimensional as the story wears on (Lilka, for instance). There's that odd bit about the translators making Caina a girl because you can kill and say "damn," but gay is a-not-okay in Rated E for Everyone JRPGs. Additionally, Tim goes from GAWD to useless in a matter of hours. It's like "o hai guyz I cans summon Guardians," then Ashley shows up and goes all Over KnightBlazer and murderizes everything in his path in the name of truth, justice, and because kicking ass as a mecha-tinged devil-monster feels good. Other characters suffer similar fates, they they end up becoming useless by the end of the game.

But, overall, WA2 is worth the playthrough and its nostalgia alone should make you feel all warmy and fuzzy.
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